Tag Archives: SEPTA

The highest praise of my career to date

The Internet is a strange place. The Wandering Bus urban legend I wrote in 2011 has apparently taken root online and begun the creeping, Catholic saint-like process of transforming into a real urban legend.

I probably should have guessed, since that post is regularly one of the top-performing posts on my blog (“top-performing” be very relative). But thank you to Philebrity for hearing about this story, being intrigued, doing some sleuthing, and letting me know.

Even better, thank you for calling me a “writer/comic/communications manager” with “an almost Haruki Murakami-esque modern fabulist style.” THANK YOU. SOMEBODY gets it. That’s all I’ve ever been going for. Should I ever have need of a dust jacket, that’s going on there no matter how inappropriate.

When I wrote for The Onion, I had the voyeuristic experience of reading the comment section on the GOOMF videos. This is a stronger feeling, perhaps because unlike The Onion, my name is on this one. Or was – it’s been stripped out. So now it feels like someone else is retelling your campfire story, and you’re sitting around the fire keeping quiet.

The comment section on which I'm lurking (although I did Like it). Click to read.

The comment section on which I’m lurking (although I did Like it).

Claiming your writing credits are important, but I’m not going to lay claim to this anywhere. If you come across this blog post and want to debunk the legend, go for it. But frankly, I’d be pretty proud of helping germinate an urban legend of a wandering SEPTA bus picking up lost souls in need of destination-less departures.

UPDATE: I was feeling all benevolent ‘n shit about my donation to our cultural medium until I actually followed the links in the Philebrity article. Turns out there’s a Tumblr I’ve never heard of but apparently a lot of other people have. By my standards (see above about relative top performance) 4,900 anythings is a lot. Damn. Now I know how Kris Straub feels about content attribution.

If I had a pair of eyeballs for all of those notes

If I had a pair of eyeballs for all of those notes, I’d be arrested SUPER fast and questioned insistently.

Philly Urban Legends: The Wandering Bus

There is a bus in Philadelphia which SEPTA does not talk about.  It is not listed on the website.  It has neither schedule nor route.  It drives the city in a pattern known only to its driver, and perhaps not even to him.  Its electronic reader board never displays a number, only “SEPTA.”  People who know it call it the Zero, the Random Bus, the Wandering Bus, or just The Bus.  It is not a bus for people who know where they want to go.  It is a bus for departures.

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A Few Thoughts Related To Buses

1) I’m not easily riled-up, but blocking the box at an intersection gets me reliably angry.  People who creep through to gain that extra 20 feet of road, and block the perpendicular traffic lanes, are the worst kind of self-centered city denizens.  I feel such behavior is grounds for vigilante tire slashing. 

…EXcept when the offending vehicle is a bus I’m currently riding. 

Then my bus driver is my traffic advocate, aggressively pursuing my interests in a borderline lawless system.  He is a mercenary I’ve hired to clear the path between my work and my happy hour meet-up, and well, I’ve hired a giant metal shipping container with wheels and so lady in that tan Subaru best watch out because we’d win that collision.

2) Buses are a lousy way to get through Center City because there is a stop at every corner, and a light at every corner.  This means the bus misses every single light.  In bad traffic, you progress at about the speed of a firm walk. 

What if buses stopped at every other corner?  People would only have to walk one block, tops, to get to a stop.  And the buses would go a lot faster.  If you work for SEPTA, and you’re reading this, seriously think about it dude.

3) Lastly, Desert Bus For Hope is one of my favorite charity drives ever.  It’s over now, but you should still check it out for amusement’s sake.  In short, the idea is that four guys from a sketch comedy troupe play the most boring video game ever (seriously, it’s awful), and people donate money to make them keep playing it.  This year they played it for more than 5 consecutive days and raised $200k for Child’s Play, which is another great charity if you’re looking to help sick kids.