Tag Archives: parody

Custer’s Last Stand, or The Battle of the (Great Grey-Green) Greasy Grass Creek

June 25th, 1876
With apologizes to Rudyard Kipling

In the High and Far-Off Times of the 1870s, George Armstrong Custer, O Best Beloved, desired a fight.  He had fought in the Musty-Pusty Civil War and he desired another, for he was full of ‘satiable courage, and that means he sought ever so many fights.

The President Grant, his lips to a bottle, desired that the Army should fight the Sioux Indians who did not want to live on their reservations.  So Custer went to President Grant and asked him to send him to fight the Sioux, and President Grant spanked Custer with his hard, hard bottle.  And still Custer was filled with ‘satiable courage!  So he asked his patron General Sheridan, who appealed to President Grant on Custer’s behalf.  And President Grant told Custer, with a throaty cry, “Go to the banks of the (Great Grey-Green) Greasy Grass Creek, all set about with fever-trees, and fight the Sioux!”

So one fine morning, as the Destiny was Manifesting just so, Custer went away, a little warm, but not at all astonished, to fight the Sioux. Continue reading

No Country For Old Hipsters

An excerpt from the novel No Country For Old Hipsters, wherein a Texas sheriff tries to cope with a brutal string of fixed gear bicycle-related violence and considers the possibility that he is no longer cut out for his line of work.

The man stepped away from the bicycle.  Chigurh could see the doubt come into his eyes at this greasestained figure before him but it came too late.  He placed his hand on the rear tire valve like a faith healer.  The pneumatic hiss and click of the compressed air sounded like a door closing.  The back tire popped and the bicycle toppled over.  Bits of rubber peppered the man’s face and eyes carrying with it his slowly uncoupling world visible to see.  Chigurh wiped his hand with his handkerchief.