Tag Archives: Nationwide

Insurance Smackdown

The new Nationwide ads got me thinking about a martial arts-style smackdown between the spokespeople for these major insurance carriers.  What would their strengths and weaknesses be?  Is there something better I should be doing with my time?  So here we go. 

The Ten-Levelled Temple of National Insurance Agency Spokesperson Death Challenge of the Dragon

The Aflac Duck

 

Strengths: 

  • While not impervious to pain, virtually unstoppable by physical violence.
  • Relentless sense of curiosity and play make it immune to fear.

Weaknesses: 

  • Very small and light.
  • Accident prone.
  • Probably delicious.

Fighting style most similar to: Jackie Chan. 

Nationwide World's Greatest Spokesperson In The World

 

Strengths: 

  • Good with an axe, blue phone, can of SpaghettiOs, presumably other props.
  • Extremely persuasive.

Weaknesses: 

  • Spent twenty years out of the game in a cabin in the woods.
  • Much less impressive and interesting once he shaves.

Fighting style most similar to: Anthony Hopkins 

Geico tag-team of Caveman, money, gecko

 

Strengths: 

  • Tag team approach.  Charming and persuasive Martin the Gecko distracts opponent while Caveman wields tennis racket.
  • Money can teleport to any location, and its spontaneously generated theme music is catchy.
  • Gecko can crawl up your shirt and slither around with (presumably) cold little feet.

Weaknesses: 

  • Once the Money is spotted, it never moves.
  • Gecko is even lighter than Aflac Duck, less capable of exerting force on opponent.
  • Caveman prone to abandoning fight if he sees Geico sign or otherwise feels his merits to be in question.

Fighting style most similar to: Ottoman Empire Janissaries (three of them) 

Progressive Flo, The Woman In White

 

Strengths: 

  • Unflappable good cheer.
  • Strangely seductive (right?  Anyone else pick up on that?).
  • Master of her domain.

Weaknesses: 

  • Bound to white, Purgatory-like dominion by ancient rituals of terrible power for the time of a thousand thousand suns.
  • Attention to customers may distract from death match.

Fighting style most similar to: Bugs Bunny 

Allstate's Dennis Haysbert

 

Strengths: 

  • Trustworthy; “good hands” feint.
  • 6′, 4″ tall, and has spent extensive time watching (and presumably learning from) Jack Bauer. 
  • Can slow time, particularly in order to witness car accidents and firefighter rescues.

Weaknesses: 

  • Frequently requires Jack Bauer to save his Presidency.

Fighting Style Most Similar To: Dennis Haysbert