Tag Archives: marketing

Gatorade’s G-Series: Press Conference Edition

Which of these men need to be drinking an "after competition" sports drink?

Dear Gatorade,

I’m sure you paid MLB, or at least the Yankees, handsomely to have your product on the press conference table after the game.  But if you’re going to convince me that I should invest my athletic hydration in your “G Series,” don’t put it in front of baseball managers.  That’s about as far away from athleticism as you can get in a major league baseball game.

On second thought, however, that is the “03: Recover” bottle sitting there.  Joe Girardi probably needed some of that after last night.

Poor Use of Marketing Funds, Hampton Inns

Weather.com has a radar display that will show you the rain, snow, or lack thereof above your current position.  Nifty, useful.  After using it for, oh, four years, I just noticed this feature today:

hmm, you know, I am KINDA looking for a place to stay tonight…

Hampton has presumably paid weather.com to install a check box that, if clicked, will show the locations of Hampton Inns on my weather radar map (zoomed out t0 a scale of 1 inch equaling, I’d guess, about 30 miles).  Clicking on that box gives you this map:

Wow! It’s not currently raining on 11 of the 13 regional Hampton Inns!

This feature allows for the simultaneous solution of two relatively unrelated consumer problems: what is the weather like right now, and where is a Hampton Inn?

I tend to assume that, in this year of our Lord 2010, national marketing is a polished science.  Endless binders of numbers, exhaustive studies, a century of trail and error, and douchebaggy Wharton marketing Ph.D. candidates all ensure that every marketing dollar is spent in the most efficient and effective way possible.

Then I encounter things like this, and I realize that marketing, like all things economic, is much less of a science than those practicing it would have us believe.  Because unless weather.com and Hampton Inn are part of the same ‘glomerate, this is one of the most useless product cross-overs I have ever seen.

P.S.  Oh wait.  I’ve never actually stayed at a Hampton Inn.  Do their roofs leak?  If so, then the combination of Hampton Inn locations and a weather doppler radar makes perfect sense.

Orange Juice, Now With Less Orange Juice!

I found this product in the grocery store last week, and thought it amusing enough to share.  From the website (the red lines are my emphasis): 

Trop50? Sounds like the FUTURE to me!

 Tropicana 50, you say?  Sounds intriguing… I do so love orange juice, but it does have a fair amount of sugar in it.  You have my ear, Tropicana.  Tell me more.  Make me see it.  Sell me the dream. 

Vitamins and minerals!

 Gee whillikers!  It has only 45% of the sugar and calories of regular orange juice.  And it still has vitamin C, plus all those other good features!  Huzzah!  How ever did they do it? 

Wait...

Oh.  

They just cut their orange juice with water.  I do this in my kitchen every morning because I want to make the oj last longer.  It’s got 50% of the calories of orange juice because it’s 50% orange juice. 

Coming soon from the same marketing team: 

Starbucks Meno: a smooth, balanced brew from a specialty blend of shade-grown, organic Sicilian greenhouse coffee beans poured piping hot into a new, smaller cup. 

Still $4.99

Introducing: BobcatLite!  Same great cat, 30% less mass! 

Same great cat, 30% less mass

Okay, that’s enough.