Category Archives: short

two new experiences (for me at least)

This past week, I began using Twitter and went on a run with an mp3 player and headphones.  Had never done either before (basically).  I feel like I’m finally catching up to a lot of 18-year olds.

To be fair, I’m using Twitter from a PC.  Still no smartphone.

a short acknowledgment of infrequent posting

I haven’t posted here for a while, and I want to say why so I don’t get more obnoxious comments like these.

The main and best reason is that I’ve started a new job.  I am the communications coordinator at the Bicycle Coalition of Greater Philadelphia.  They are (we are!) a kick-ass nonprofit in Philly which advocates for increased bicycling infrastructure in the Greater Philadelphia Area, runs education programs in elementary and middle schools, and works with city and state lawmakers to make bicycling a bigger part of transportation and infrastructure planning.  Or something.  I haven’t quite nailed down our mission yet, but I’m guessing that’s close.

The other reason I haven’t been posting is because The Onion requests that freelance contributors like myself not use headlines we submit elsewhere.  Even if those headlines aren’t used by The Onion.  Also, The Onion asks that contributors like me not call themselves Onion writers, or contributors, or really give ourselves any kind of job title at all.  Needless to say, I’m pretty low on that totem pole.  Also needless to say, I’m going to listen to them, because they are The Onion and I am not.

In the meantime, I am now the main blog writer at the BCGP blog.  That is the best place to follow my organization’s advocacy work, so if you’re interested in bicycling in the Philly area, I recommend you check it out.  I’ve got some elbow room there, so I’m hoping to continue to use sarcastic phrases like “paragon urban planner.”

undercutting jokes

I recently read a newspaper article which quoted a baseball player making a joke.  The journalist wrote it as such: “‘[the joke],’ he quipped.”  This made me realize something: any quoted bit of humor, no matter how witty or hilarious, can be nullified by calling it a quip.

Example bit of humor: “My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron…and a lot like Patrick Ewing.”  ~Zach Galifianakis

Now watch:

“My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron…and a lot like Patrick Ewing,” Galifianakis quipped.

See?  Less funny.

Mice 2

Scientists: you have created mice that glow in the dark, eat uranium, and have five legs.  Why can’t you create mice that don’t poop on my kitchen counter?

The Jezebel Defenestration – From The Publisher

From the publisher:

N. Roland Norman, author of the one-in-a-lifetime-thriller The Prometheus Rumspringa, takes us on another thrill ride of our life.  Virus-packing elite terrorists take over a small factory in Topeka, Kansas.  A city that could be anywhere.  Who cares?  WRONG.  The factory makes air-filled packaging cushions, which are sent…worldwide.  And it’s almost Thanksgiving!  CORRECT.  The only man for the job?  Archer.  Pulse-pounding action.  Deadly quiet.  Insane calm.  What starts as a normal terrorist standoff turns serious when The Corporation Company becomes involved.  What will happen when an Immovable Rock meets an Intransigent Object?  OF COURSE.  Deadly love.  Now Archer is racing for his life, and the life of his one remaining love, while the fate of the world hinges on his next move, as Black Friday looms.  Only one thing is for certain.