why write news stories like every other schmuck

This Philly.com article caught my attention for the peculiar way in which it began:

A teenager found his grandparents just where he might expect to find them yesterday on a balmy, summer morning – grandma was in the kitchen and grandpa in the shed, according to police.

But the state in which he found them is something no one should ever have to see.

He found both dead of gunshot wounds to the head in what police said was a murder-suicide.

This, of course, made me think of other ways that one could creatively or luridly write lead-ins to ordinary news stories.  Perhaps:

Tom Hinkshaw returned from lunch around 2:30 pm Thursday afternoon, much like he had every day that week.  His tongue sought out remaining particles of his reuben sandwich still caught in his molars.  He said hello to Diana, his secretary, who returned his greeting and reminded him of an afternoon meeting he had scheduled at 4:00 pm.

Tom sat down at his desk, glanced at his computer screen, and his jaw went slack.

“Diana,” he said softly, “cancel that meeting.”

The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 230 points Thursday in reaction to weaker-than-expecting job reports…

etc. etc.

I see this as applicable to every section of a newspaper.


One thought on “why write news stories like every other schmuck

  1. Marc Schuster

    Yeah, really! What this town needs is a paper dedicated to turning everything into a piece hard-boiled noir: “All Mayor Nutter wanted was to end his day with a good, stiff drink, but then in walked this dame from City Council…”


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