Patrick County, VA – The Fox News Channel was killed Wednesday afternoon in a hunting accident. The channel, “FoxNews” to its friends, was hunting in a Wildlife Management Area when it was shot by another hunter. The shooting is being declared an accident. Paramedics called to the scene were unable to save the news channel.
FoxNews was not wearing orange safety gear at the time of the accident, and was found with a mostly-consumed twelve pack of lite beer. Family members reached for comment said FoxNews believed it was invincible, and liked to say that, “Bullets go where we tell them to go. That’s why they’re called bullets.” Despite this, FoxNews on occasion expressed the belief that it would die a violent death involving gunfire. This contradiction in beliefs “was just FoxNews,” said a close friend.
FoxNews was born on October 7th, 1996 and lived in New York City. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the Republican National Party.