Washington, DC – House Republicans today announced their intent to fight President Obama’s expected victory in his fantasy football league. Obama’s points-per-reception league team, “Malia’s All-Star Leopards,” holds a comfortable lead over Secretary of Commerce Gary Locke’s “Hasselbeck4Evahs.” Behind Wes Welker, Roddy White, Michael Vick and draft-day steal Arian Foster, Obama expects to claim victory when the regular season ends on January 2nd. Republicans plan to undo Obama’s victory by “rolling back” the league point rules once they claim control over the House in mid-January.
Brushing aside accusations of pointless obstructionism, Sen. Jim DeMint criticized Obama for trying to “sneak in” his victory during the lame-duck session. “We intend to introduce legislation that will bring the value for receptions back in line with what average Americans think they’re worth,” McConnell said. “Everybody knew Arian Foster was going to have a monster season, and I believe the American people deserve to know why the most liberal administration on Earth let him fall so far in the draft.”
This comes on the heels of House Republicans successfully blocking Obama’s attempted purchase of Marvin Gardens during a family Monopoly game, calling it “yet another government takeover.”