New York, NY – According to US Dept. of Labor statistics, The Onion is the nation’s leading employer of crackheads, homeless schizophrenics, and middle-aged sketchballs. Through the end of the 2010 third quarter, The Onion LLC accounted for 64% of all full, temporary, and freelance hires in this otherwise poor-performing section of the American workforce. Economist Andrew Sklar points to The Onion’s casting calls for its videos and articles as “miraculous opportunities for these weirdos; unemployable for virtually any other conceivable occupation, but qualified, even over-qualified, for The Onion.” Job postings like, “Wanted: underweight Caucasian male, 36-58; unshaven, bird nest hair; unsettling gaze a plus,” account for The Onion’s dominance of the sector. Word of mouth is a secondary driver of this trend, as The Onion writing and editorial staff frequently hire their friends.