The Onion Leading U.S. Employer of Weirdo Sketchballs


Critics have accused The Onion of focusing on caucasian males for an overwhelming majority of their photoshoots.  The Onion denies any intentional bias and asserts that most creepy weirdos are white males so they're just dealing with the workforce available to them.

recent Onion hires (photos courtesy of Onion HR Dept)

New York, NY – According to US Dept. of Labor statistics, The Onion is the nation’s leading employer of crackheads, homeless schizophrenics, and middle-aged sketchballs.  Through the end of the 2010 third quarter, The Onion LLC accounted for 64% of all full, temporary, and freelance hires in this otherwise poor-performing section of the American workforce.  Economist Andrew Sklar points to The Onion’s casting calls for its videos and articles as “miraculous opportunities for these weirdos; unemployable for virtually any other conceivable occupation, but qualified, even over-qualified, for The Onion.”  Job postings like, “Wanted: underweight Caucasian male, 36-58; unshaven, bird nest hair; unsettling gaze a plus,” account for The Onion’s dominance of the sector.  Word of mouth is a secondary driver of this trend, as The Onion writing and editorial staff frequently hire their friends.

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