My Michigan Meth Bust Press Conference


me on the Onion News Network

As Belmont City Chief of Police, I’m very proud to announce the capture of meth kingpin Darryl Krogen.  During the long investigation, the department was under pressure to wrap things up and deploy our resources elsewhere.  But we knew we were close to blowing the Michigan meth cartel wide open, and if we kept our cool, we might grab the big guy.  You see, there’s no use grabbing middle captains.  They get replaced, and the meth supply to that alley behind the abandoned K-Mart is uninterrupted.  No, you got to get the head to bring down these organizations.

[Congratulations to Matt Klinman for becoming one of my Friends In High Places.]

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