The Philadelphia area is expecting between 12 and 2 million inches of snow over the next 48 hours. I asked my fellow blogger Zack if he had any snow gloves I could borrow, and before long we were discussing the RPG ‘builds’ involved in a snowball fight.
Tank: the kid who wears a really thick, heavy coat and thick pants. He can’t move quickly, or throw very well because of the limited range of arm motion allowed by his coat. But he is virtually impervious to snowballs.
Engineer: builds snow forts. Equipment may include a shovel for rapid snow transport, and hard gloves for packing.
Berserker: kid with a limited tolerance for snowball fights. Participates somewhat willingly, but complains if attacked excessively. Once his/her ‘rage meter’ reaches full, however, berserker flies into a furious and energetic assault on any and all hostiles in the area. The arrival of a healer is a reliable way to end a berserker attack.
Healer: Mom who brings hot chocolate.
Sniper: very accurate and powerful arm, can launch effective snowballs from a long ways off. Achieves this accuracy by not wearing gloves, which results in very cold hands and consequently a lower rate of fire.
Brute: (pictured) large, aggressive kid with only melee attack. Favors football tackling targets into the snow. Once target is down, Brute is very good at rubbing faces into snow, or visa versa.
Mage: weak versus the Brute, but powerful against massed enemies. Good at throwing snowballs into trees to cause area-of-effect damage.
Bard: peppy kid who sings songs to raise the morale of other snowball fighters. Bards have a +chance to end snowball fights and enslave all participants in neighborhood caroling.
NPC: frequently younger kids who spend their time making snowmen and engaged in other nonviolent snow activities. Attacking NPGs is frowned upon and can cause a sudden increase in aggro from all other participants within the same Zone.
Mount/vehicle: sled or other device for rapid transport across snow.
Rogue: fast and small, frequently wears white to blend into surroundings. The rogue is known for picking up a huge piece of ice, sneaking up behind someone, and slamming it down on their head, instantly stunning that person. Putting snow down people’s shirts is their secondary attack.
Armorer: the strong kid with good gloves who makes really well-sculpted snowballs and gives them to friends to throw.
Critter: somebody’s dog. Runs around the environment, uncontrollable by any player, and occasionally causes damage to forts or reveals hiding spots. Multiple stomach rubs in quick succession can cause excessive leg kicking, or an explosion.
The Third Team: the kid who refuses to be on anybody’s team. Declares that he will throw snowballs at whomever he likes. Usually ends up getting ganged up on and demolished.
Human turret: kid who can make and throw a lot of snowballs really fast. Consequence of this tactic is that the snowballs are not that accurate, and do not go that far. Good for close-quarters, bunched hostiles, and defending chokepoints.
Scout: fast and quick kid with good eyesight. More interested in scouting enemy territory than engaging in combat. Excellent team mate for capture the flag and territory-holding games.
TKer/Team Killer: kid who professes team allegiance, but is likely to hit a team mate with a snowball at some point. Team Killers are particularly disruptive during fort-based snowball fights.
Quest Giver: the father who gives his son a snowball and says, “Here you go. Go throw this at your brother.”
Final Boss: the group of older kids hanging out at the park. They are the ultimate test of snowball fight skill and it will take a coordinated raid of many of the above-mentioned classes to take them down. But the reward is much glory.