And We’ve Reached A New Low

Trader Joe’s milk chocolate truffle bars are delicious.  If I’m eating a piece of one, I’m pretty into it.  What could cause me to drop it, clasp my hand to my forehead, and utter foul oaths?

The Dallas Cowboys giganto-jumbo tron is showing 3D video!  They handed out 3D glasses to fans at tonight’s Chargers-Cowboys game!

Maybe they should show the live game on the screen, and then re-enact the replays on the field.

NO!  NO, NO, NO!


I’ve never been to an NFL game.  Is the NFL really so made-for-TV that, even at the game, you’d rather see what was happening on a screen?*  This makes me hop up and down and babble.  3-D glasses are a gimmick to make otherwise bad movies interesting.  When paired with good art, they are an unnecessary distraction.

[insert joke about the Cowboys being bad art here]

In fact, let’s construct a metaphor for this in the sexualized vein the NFL would approve of.

  1. Watching your favorite team on TV = masturbating to photo of you partner
  2. Attending the game in real life = going to partner’s house for sexual intercourse (presumably preferable)
  3. Attending game and watching it with 3D glasses on giant video screen = going to partner’s house, inflating a sex doll replica of partner, and having sex with that doll, while your partner remains in the room, keeping busy

Or something like that.  I’m all worked up.

This is why I root against the Cowboys.  I don’t really have any football reason to hate them; I’m not that into football.  But it’s shit like this that makes them despicable.  They’re like the Yankees, but without the tradition or consistent winning to back up their conspicuous consumption fetish.

But seriously.  Seriously?  Aaaaaaaaagh.

*If this is the case, then blacking out broadcasts when the game doesn’t sell out, as currently happens, is even more stupid than it already appears.

One thought on “And We’ve Reached A New Low

  1. Tim

    Yeah, this is absurd. It’s always bothered me how everyone’s eyes turn to the jumbotron right after a play, as though it is only after the TV validates the action that it really occurred. In the same vein, the players (both NFL and NBA, the two most TV-friendly major sports) look up there to see how they looked during the last play. It’s not enough to win anymore, you have to look good doing it.

    And this is the reason I will be sticking to soccer for my sports fix. While baseball (which I’m sure you’ll defend adamantly) is good, they still take plenty of breaks during the innings. In particular, I’m thinking of when pitcher is relieved. Soccer, on the other hand, simply cannot be paused mid-half. You have to see a full 45+ minutes in order to understand the game, and since the clock never stops, they can’t cut away. Although, not that a person need only choose one to watch. What matters is that we don’t watch football or basketball.


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