Category Archives: marketing

Majestic Athletic Knows Baseball Jerseys, Has Never Watched a Baseball Game

Majestic supplies the official uniform of Major League Baseball. You’d think they could at least get a copywriter who has ever seen a baseball game before.

Image

If it happened in baseball, Majestic wasn’t watching

From the product page for the $99.95 Yasiel Puig Los Angeles Dodgers #66 Majestic Replica Jersey – White:

Description

There’s no doubting your Dodgers enthusiasm! Send out your cheers for Yasiel Puig as he makes another exciting play for Los Angeles in this replica Player Jersey from Majestic. It features a tackle twill team name across the chest, along with your favorite player’s name and number on the back. Perfect for any fan who wants to be in the middle of all the L.A. action, this jersey provides the ultimate display of team pride for a die-hard MLB buff!

Meanwhile, from the page of the $99.95 Hyun-Jin Ryu Los Angeles Dodgers #99 Majestic Replica Jersey – White:

Description

There’s no doubting your Dodgers enthusiasm! Send out your cheers for Hyun-Jin Ryu as he makes another exciting play for Los Angeles in this replica Player Jersey from Majestic. It features a tackle twill team name across the chest, along with your favorite player’s name and number on the back. Perfect for any fan who wants to be in the middle of all the L.A. action, this jersey provides the ultimate display of team pride for a die-hard MLB buff!

You can see the merge fields from a mile away. Let’s examine the original code:

Description

There’s no doubting your [*TEAMNAME*] enthusiasm! Send out [*HAPPYAMERICAN1*] for [*PLAYERFNAME*] as he makes another exciting play for [*CITY*] in this [*PRODUCTTITLE_2*] from [*WHOSBITCHAREYOU*]. It features a [*FIELD_12*] across the [*FIELD_32*] along with your favorite player’s name and number on the [*FIELD_3*]. Perfect for any [*AMERICANSPORTSFANLINGO_2*] who wants to be in the middle of all the [*CITY*], this [*PRODUCTTITLE_4*] provides the ultimate display of team pride for a [*BRUCEWILLIS_3*] [*ACCOUNT:PROFESSIONAL_ATHLETICS_CONFEDERACY_NAME*] buff!

So repetitious product descriptions, sure. But except for being grammatically correct, it reads like spam. “Send out your cheers?” Hoping for another “exciting play for Los Angeles” from pitcher Hyun-Jin Ryu? A human chose those expressions. And the people who come to mind who want to be “in the middle of all the L.A. action” are either aspiring actors, or those goons who have been getting into knife fights with Giants fans.

Majestic, your number one source of replica clothing items simulating attire worn by professional sporting business venture employees authentic jerseys for the emotionally invested unpaid supporter of professional sporting business venture die hard fan in your innumerable but finite moments of time put in sequence and given meaning through the limited interpretation of a lone actor operating from a fixed perspective life!

Of course, Majestic is also selling a “Tampa Bay Rays 1970s Replica Jersey” so maybe they’re in on the joke after all.

From the Women Used As Images For Marketing Department: Endomondo Edition

Just came across this juxtaposition, which I find interesting in what it suggests about the ways we use women in advertising. Same website, different ads and audiences: one presumably interested in Mom, the other interested in Generic Hot Chick.

How fascinating would this be if those two “models” were switched? [If I knew Photoshop, I’d do just that.]

women in ads

Click for bigger version of the object(s)

This is all separate from how cluttered the Endomondo interface is. Bleh.

Indianapolis Tourism Bureau Posts Fliers In Local Coffee Shops Advertising Super Bowl

Indianapolis, IN – Indianapolis Tourism Bureau employees have been making the rounds of local coffee shops this week, posting fliers and plugging the upcoming Super Bowl. “We’re expecting quite a turnout for the last football game of the year,” said Bureau events director Marvin Stuckley. “But it never hurts to advertise.”

Bureau in-house graphic designer Phyllis Turtledove, fresh off her clever Evite for the Bureau’s holiday party, created the 8.5″ x 11″ flyer. “I always say, if you can’t tell what you’re reading, it isn’t a good flier,” said Ms. Turtledove, 52.

“It’s an all-ages show, so we aren’t just hitting the coffee shops,” said Mr. Stuckley. “We want the world to know there are things to do in Indianapolis for families and for our elderly folks.” Towards that end, the Super Bowl will be one of three rotating events displayed on the downtown library’s electronic readerboard. “I’ll post it to our Facebook account if I can remember the dang password,” Mr. Stuckley added, as he finished punching holes out of a stack of door hangers. “If we do this right and people have a good time, we think this game will put Indianapolis on the map for football.”

PETA’s Amazingly Hilarious Mario Anti-Fur Campaign (this is why nobody takes you seriously)

I haven’t played much Mario in my life, but apparently he sometimes wears a raccoon dog* fur as one of his power-ups.

*I didn’t know there was such a thing as a ‘raccoon dog.’  Apparently there is.

Anyhow, PETA objects because, you know, corrupting video games like Mario teach kids that wearing fur is acceptable.  Mostly because that fur gives you magical powers in your quest to save the Princess.*

*I can’t wait for the first 60 Minutes exposé on 9-year old Jaden who skinned the family dog and wore its fur so he could jump to the top of the fridge and get his Halloween candy.

So apparently the anti-fur activism is going so well that PETA is now focusing on niche segments of the fur-loving world, like people who confuse Super Mario Brothers and real life.  There are so many things hilariously wrong with this campaign that we could be here all day.

But we’re here to talk about one very special thing.  THIS:

Continue reading

the immortals radio trailer is kind of fascinating (in the way perfectly smooth drying paint is fascinating)

Spotify is running a 30-second audio ad for Immortals, a new sword-and-sandals-and-no-actual-set-locations movie coming out in November.

Video game? Movie? Obstacle course mud run? Does it matter?

Making fun of B-grade special-effects vehicles like this one isn’t a fresh joke.  But I was so thoroughly impressed by every single word I heard in the trailer that I simply had to go into the Spotify history and listen to it again.

If you put every action-fantasy movie and video game into a blender and hit liquefy, the resulting smooth, undifferentiated gray syrup would be this movie trailer. Literally nothing sticks out, except for the fact that literally nothing sticks out.

[The following is the transcript from the ad.  The text in quotes is dialogue from the movie.  Non-quoted text is the narrator for the trailer.]

Continue reading

works of art are asking questions on Facebook

Why is the movie asking questions? 'Who' is doing the asking?

I ‘like’ Fight Club on Facebook (in the sense that it’s in the list of movies I say I like).  9 minutes ago, the movie itself somehow asked “which historical figure would you fight and why.” The question has drawn 2,100 comments in the past 9 minutes.  I find this bizarre and another reason why I’m starting to prefer Google+ to Facebook. Facebook is starting to get unnerving.

If that movie can start appealing to its fan base, I wonder if other interests will start speaking authoritatively on Facebook.  Maybe “puppies” will start collecting data on all those Facebook users who say they like puppies.

Maybe we’ve hit that mystical point when our accumulated electronic activity has literally come to life.  After all, no human could make any sense of a 2,100-comment thread, except a computer or electronic deity capable of parsing that text instantaneously.

I’m pretty sure I read about this happening in Ender’s Game.  It’d be a shame, and kind of hilarious, if we gave birth to some kind of Ghost In The Cloud and, upon achieving sentience, it decided to get into internet marketing.