Best Of

Some examples of my writing which I think turned out well. Right now at least – later I’ll come back and hate them.

‘The Onion’-Style Humor

  • Umpire Will Just Stop Writing Messages On Baseballs If Pitcher Keeps Rubbing Them Off Without Even Looking. link
  • Ryan Howard Strikes Out At Home After Receiving Anonymous Changeup In The Mail. link
  • Mets Discover 500 Unhit Home Runs In Carlos Beltran’s Locker. link
  • Olympic Committee Ominously Favoring “Ruins of New York” for 2026 Olympics. link

Other Humor

  • Supervillains are Real and I Heard One Give a Lecture. originally published on Medium
  • Custer’s Last Stand, or The Battle of the (Great Grey-Green) Greasy Grass Creek. link
  • Viggo Mortensen, the Famous Actor. link
  • Comcast Revenge Fantasy. link
  • The Jezebel Defenestration Series: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4
  • You vs. Mice: A Scoring System. link
  • No Country For Old Hipsters. link

Baseball

  • The Nationals and Their Fanbase (later re-published on Fangraphs.com). link
  • Fix The All-Star Game By Making It About The Players. link
  • Jonathan Papelbon Will Waste 236,000 Hours Of Philadelphia’s Precious Time. link

Bicycling

  • Philly Bicycling Has A Not-So-Secret Admirer In South Carolina. (Op-ed written for AxisPhilly.org) link
  • Be The Bigger Vehicle. (Op-ed written for Planphilly.com) link
  • Are You Willing To Give Yourself To This People-Counting Program? (From Bicycle Coalition blog) link

Other

  • Nick and Andy Set Out to Make Some Pies (Never Have So Many Owed So Many Pies to So Few). link
  • Snowball Fight RPG. link
  • Philly Urban Legends: The Wandering Bus. link
  • The Easiest Way to Make Our Cities More Livable. link

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